Saturday, July 14, 2007

We will make it through...

It is crazy how things can change at the blink of an eye. Just as our dreams were seeming to come true, the worst has happened. After seeing a strong heartbeat and growth on Monday, yesterday we found out that we lost our little Murray muffin #2. My back started hurting, it was a weird pain. I thought maybe I just had a pinched nerve, but it seemed much too early for that. Once I was at work I noticed some spotting, so I immediately called the DR. I picked Eric up and we went in for an ultrasound right away. Our fears were confirmed. We had lost our baby... where there once had been a strong heartbeat, now there was none.

I can't believe we are back here again, reliving this old pain that took so long to go away. It has been 5 months since we lost our first little muffin, and only 7 months since we've been married. It is a lot to take in and handle. I felt like once I had gotten pregnant again in May, I really had worked through the first loss. It is really easy to feel discouraged and angry, but we are trying not to. We understand that everything happens for a reason, and for whatever reason we are going through this again. We already know we are strong enough to handle it, but I have to say, this time around the pain seems greater. We really felt that things were going to be OK, that in February our little baby would be here.

It is still surreal, hard to accept, but a reality none the less. The DR will run a whole bunch of tests on our baby and me to find out what is going on. 2 miscarriages in a row is a sign of a problem. I pray that we find out that is going on and are able to correct it so sooner then later, I am pregnant again, with a successful pregnancy and a healthy Murray muffin.

I will continue to post blogs, we are still on our journey to parenthood!

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